Dare to Dream

A few years ago I attended the Queering Mental Health Conference. Listening to other queers talk about their experiences. Gracing us with their wisdom. Expanding my way of thinking. Confronting my internalized biases.

I don't remember a lot of specifics of the conference, But I do remember one talk specifically, given by queer/trans writer and poet. I wish I could remember their name. But I remember the message so clearly. She talked about dreaming, imaging, fantasizing. And how integral it is to spend time in this dream space. That it is especially important for marginalized spirits to dream. DREAM. Imagine, fantasize the life you want to live. In your wildest dreams imagine who you might be, where you might end up. Beyond the Sky's limit.

I've been reflecting on this because I am in this dreaming space. Reflecting on being a visitor in a city that isn't mine. Living out my original dream of moving to Vancouver and of becoming a counsellor.  This was the dream that I dreamed, when it was all that I could see. I seen the people around me, mostly other substance user and others who also experienced trauma and I dreamed of helping them, as others had helped me.

I dreamed of travel and of going to the biggest raves in the biggest cities and hearing the dj's spin the records that kept my company on late nights only years prior.  I dreamed of love and settling down. And that is as far as my dreams could reach.  Because that is all I could see.

And now I live in the far off land (that is a two and half hour flight from my home and everything I knew). And I dreamed my dream and arrived in that place.

And now I'm conjuring up a new dream. Now I'm looking for inspiration beyond the boarders of what I once knew. Exploring new territory, collecting trinkets to create art and to remember who I was before times got hard.

I'm dreaming beyond my wildest dreams, of who the next version of me will be. Will she be an alchemist? Will she be Doula? Or will she be up to her elbows in finger paints, reminding others how to play? Will she own a bookstore? Will you find her dancing barefoot on the beach under the full moon singing to the stars?  Will she be famous in the underground world of glitter and anarchy. Will she live in Spain and eat fresh oranges everyday. Will she publish a book so others can hear the sound of her real voice. Or will she sit quietly drinking coffee in the chair that she hand chose, in the office that she carefully pieced together; silent and in her own company, feeling blessed for all that she has accomplished.

I think about how hard is to dream a new dream, when everywhere you look everything is the same. The people are the same, the culture is the same, the expectations are the same. And how painful it is when you can't dream a new dream while simultaneously not fitting into the dream that others have laid out for you. When you can't seem to find the contentment that everyone else appears to have found. Or how hard it is to dream a dream when you live under oppression and everywhere you look, everything is painted with sadness or chaos.

And as I reflect on this, I am reminded of how important it is to dream. To fantasize. To imagine. To play. To get lost. To find respite. To find inspiration. To travel to far off lands (or new neighbourhoods). To meet new people and create new art. To be inspired to dream new dreams.

Where is your dreaming taking you right now? What trinkets have you been collecting?

With Love

Chantelle