Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in?

How many of us feel like we don't fit in? That we are too much, or not enough. I like to call this, "a case of the shoulds"… Ever find yourself worried, am I normal? is this a normal reaction? everyone else around me seems to be doing it this way? I should too. I shouldn’t be feeling happy, or sad, or angry. I should be feel happy or grateful, or angry or sad, but i’m not. Is there something wrong with me?

Where does this idea come from? That we should be feeling, being, expressing, thinking, differently. That we should be different from who we are.

The “shoulds” come from everywhere. They come family, friends and other important relationships. They come from your job, or your licensing board. The “shoulds” come from books and social media, from TV and movies. The shoulds come from history. They come from the government. The shoulds are all around.

The shoulds come from culture. You should act this way, this way is acceptable. This way is “normal”. This way is what is expected of you. Culture sets expectations for us. Expectations about who we should be, how we should look, dress, talk, act, think, feel; who we should love, how much money we should make. if you don't fit into this very narrow picture, there must be something wrong with YOU. That you are not "normal".

This is absurd.

How many of us are striving to fit in? Feeling guilt, shame, for the very things that make you, you. Spending time and energy to round your edges; dim your light; hide parts of yourself so other won't notice.

It's scary to be different. We long to fit in. We need social connection. Our bodies are literally wired for it. Sometimes, it can be downright dangerous to stand out. And when we see the consequences of other people who "stepped out of line", we often are quick to fall back in place.

Please, don't hide that beautiful weird light to the point that it gets snuffed out. We need your light. Shine your light safely, dimly if you need to. Shine it so that others who share a similar light can find you.

I will light my own candle and place it in the dark window, so you can find me. And you can come in and we can bask in the weird light together, before your need to go back into world. I aim to create a safe space, free of judgment, where you can be yourself. All are welcome here.