Being with the Stuck.

I imagine when come to see a therapist – you might be thinking, I’ve got this problem that I need fixing. That the therapist has the answers on how to fix it. And then you show up on my door, and when I tell you, I don’t believe in quick fixes and that healing is a journey. Or I give some woo-woo quote like “it’s a curious paradox that it is only when I accept myself as I am then I can change” and then maybe you think, well then what the hell am I paying you for then? Well, here is what I will tell you about the ways I think about being stuck.

If you have ever gotten your car stuck in the mud you will know that when you press your foot on the gas your tires spin, but you don’t move anywhere. And if you continuously press on the gas, your tires can’t actually get any traction, the hole is getting bigger, and you are getting more and more stuck.

Metaphorically, this is when people come to therapy. When your tires have been spinning, and your foot is still on the gas. You were maybe hoping for a tow truck to come in and pull you right out. But then I show up, no fancy tools to extract you from the stuckness, and the first thing I tell you need to STOP putting your foot on the gas.  You need to stay still.

When you come to therapy, I will ask for you to be with the stuckness. That being with the stuck is actually an active part of the process. It’s not that I don’t understand, and it’s not that I want you to stay in your stuckness, and I certainly don’t want you to accept defeat or feel like I am not taking your concern seriously or disregarding it.

I ask you to be with the stuck, because I believe there are messages in there; important messages, but we need to be still long enough to receive the messages. We need to recognize when we are stuck, or feeling discomfort. We need to be still long enough to examine what is going on. It is when we can tune in, that we begin to make changes. When we begin to tune in, and learn about our likes, dislikes, what feels good, or what doesn’t, we can start making choices that will gently get us some traction and guide us from out of the stuck.

You could start to examine the stuck by asking yourself: What most wants attention? How am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this place of stuck want from me? What does it most need?

 With love,

Chantelle